The Big Epic

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Scattered Thoughts from the Midst of Chemo Brain

I prefer to be a coherent writer, finding and using the exact right word or phrase to express what I’m thinking or feeling. But that is apparently not possible this week! So here is a dispatch from a confused, wandering Chemo Brain.

Good news this week: yes, there has been a foggy, hazy chemo brain adding extra challenge to life. However, this past week has actually been better than expected. I have figured out how to manage the nausea meds/lack of interest in eating anything/pain meds labyrinth. Little pain and a mostly settled stomach are very good things!

As I mentioned in the mini-update I posted this evening, this has been a very sleepy week. I’ve been frustrated at not managing to do anything constructive all week… but keep reminding myself that I AM doing a stellar job of SLEEPING to help my body recover from the onslaught of cancer plus treatment meds.

In just two weeks more, I will have another CT Scan and we will find out if this treatment is effectively slowing, stopping or even shrinking the tumors. Please keep this critically important goal in your prayers, your thoughts, and your cheering for good results!

It’s a good thing that the landscape design/maintenance program that daughter is attending has only three days left before stopping for the summer. She may not have chemo brain directly, but she is terribly distracted and finding it hard to focus on anything school related. As a side note, I was able to drive her to school this morning. I have no clue if it is significant for her or not, but it is hugely important to me to feel a connection before she heads into school for the day… This was the first I felt up to driving her for many many days.

This coming week may be a rough one. Depends on if it follows the same pattern as week 2 of the first cycle or not. Tomorrow morning a friend is taking me to the hospital for the infusion of drug 1 and drug 2. Similar to Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the Cat in the Hat, these drugs cause mayhem at times as they are fighting to eliminate all fast-growing cells in my body—hopefully, including all the cancer cells!

Speaking of killing off fast growing cells… the typical chemo side effect of hair loss is happening, by the handful. I will write a full post about how I handled this… For now, just know that my hair is now a ¼” long dark fuzz. I’m surprised, but I actually kinda like it! Eventually, I will also get a wig or two—at least one in multi-bright-colors. If I’m losing my bright teal, asymmetrical hair-do, I can at least have fun with the replacement options, right?!

All right—enough blathering through chemo brain and writing down whatever comes into my mind in the given moment! Hope you were able to follow my thoughts… or that any confusions were at least entertaining!

As always—We couldn’t keep doing this without YOUR help! We appreciate every word of encouragement, note of concern, prayer, favorite song shared, brightness/beauty/joy that you find. It might not feel like much to you, but it makes a world of difference to me.

4 Comments

  1. Yes, you are doing a stellar job of caring for yourself and yes, you are in my prayers. Hugs!

  2. Hi Jill. You are still at the top of your game–Cat in the Hat– hahaha. Seriously, you have me laughing. I don’t know how you do it. I wish I had some clever thing to say to make you laugh, but that’s just not in me. Know that you are thought of often and that you bring joy to people. Hugs my friend!

    • Please don’t apologize for no with replies—solid friendship, prayers and encouragement are always appreciated! (And it makes me smile to know I’ve brought moments of joy to others!)

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