Welcome to Cancerland, a theme park for the unamused. We wish you a magical stay. Unfortunately, we seem to have misplaced the magic wands so there are no shortcuts to getting through the park quickly. There are so many decisions you must make with an overwhelming number of things to keep track of. Everyone has their own path through Cancerland. Sorry! The general map will not be of much use to you and your loved ones. Eventually you will find a guide who most likely is a real character but who can help you figure out how to survive the rides. Hold tight! It’s gonna be a crazy ride!
Gravitron – Scan Results
Before fully entering this unamusement park, each patient, er, I mean visitor, must regularly take a ride on the Gravitron located by the park entrance. This is where you will be scanned to verify your credentials for being here. The first few times, this feels like a harmless ride, simply spinning you in a whirling circle. Many times, there will be “No Evidence of Disease” and you will be released from Cancerland. Don’t forget to return for your regularly scheduled crazy ride on the Gravitron. Eventually, cancer will show up again. The floor will drop out beneath you and your mind will be spinning with what-ifs and why-mes. When the ride stops and the doors open, stumble your way further into the park.
Ferris Wheel – Get Your Bearings
It is strongly suggested that guests return to this simple ride any time they feel lost. Although the Ferris Wheel is rarely exciting, it is easily accessed from most of the park. The best thing about this ride is that it gives you and your partner an opportunity to relax for a few minutes. Take this time to look back on where you have been before and after entering this unamusement park. From the top of the wheel, it is possible to see the food booths and most of the other rides. Decide which direction you will explore after you are back down on the ground. Return as often as you lose your bearings and need to reconsider where you are on the map.
Carousel – A Whirl of Emotions
Each guest (and their loved ones) who enter Cancerland, initially believe that the carousel is a gentle, relaxing ride. They think they are in full control of their emotions. What they don’t understand is that this crazy ride spins you gently in circles while it lifts you up and down and up and down. Every time you come back to the Carousel, your emotions will take you for another ride of crying, laughing, scowling, exhaustion, ranting, loving, and more.
Bumper Cars – Bumpy Relationships and Expectations
So, you think you know your friends and family well. When you enter Cancerland, you assume they will react with the same patterns they have in the past—and that you will do the same. Some have already disappeared, uncomfortable with this unamusing park, or afraid they will do or say the wrong thing. Getting in bumper cars with the remaining loved ones who are still with you shows you just how wrong you can be. Bump! They say things that irritate you. Crash! They hover as if you were an invalid, or worse, they ignore what you are going through. Smash! You expect them to read your mind and immediately respond to your ever-changing needs. And they expect the same. Take a deep breath! Remember, this crazy ride is not forever. It’s just one part of visiting Cancerland.
Tin Lizzie Kiddie Cars – Round and Round To & From the Cancer Center
We know you might prefer to avoid this slow, putt-putt ride. But you will inevitably come back to the Kiddie Cars over and over. Your calendar will fill with appointments, blood draws, labs, and scans. It will seem, at times, like you are on an endless loop track of going to and from the cancer center, over and over again. Try to relax and enjoy the peacefulness of routine and unavoidable repetition.
River Boat Ride – Floating Along Through Scenes of Danger and of Daily Life
At times you will be exhausted from all the walking, standing in line, trying new rides, and eating greasy fair-food. Sometimes it is nice to go on this simple ride, floating down the peaceful river of daily life. Be alert, however! You never know what’s around the next bend. It might be another peaceful scene. But at any moment, you might face something terrifying—a storm, an attack, a scene of desolation. This crazy ride demonstrates the new reality of being in Cancerland: expect the unexpected!
Log Flume – Intermittent Pain & Fatigue
This ride can be deceptive. There are ups and downs and occasional splashes of pain or fatigue, but, overall, it feels like you are coping just fine with Cancerland. Don’t get complacent! There will likely be steep curves or sudden drops when you feel like you might drown in the flood of pain that covers you. Yes, talk to your guide about changing meds or adjusting your routines, but most likely there is little that can be done to avoid occasional rides on the Log Flume.
Spinning Tea-Cups – Watch Out for Nausea and Other Side Effects
Everyone has heard about this nasty ride! The spinning teacups will swirl you in circles—causing nausea, dizziness, vomiting, hair loss and more ugly side effects of your trip to Cancerland. Perhaps you will be one of the lucky guests who are guided on a different treatment path and you will avoid this ride altogether.
Flying Swings – Watching Life go by When You are On Your Side
This crazy ride is very disorienting. To begin with, it seems like life goes on the same as it was before you entered Cancerland. Sure, there are some swings and dips, but, in general nothing has really changed. You still feel like yourself. Eventually, however, your swing gets pulled higher and higher until you are flying on your side. You don’t have energy to do anything more than just hold on. As you look around at the park, life is still going on below you, but all you can do is just rest until the ride ends and you are back on your feet again.
Pirate Ship – Practical Tension between Planning and Healing
You hear about this ride from many of your friends. They tell you to focus on the positive, on moving forward, on the eventual excitement of an unexpected ending. But once you get on this ride, you discover that reality pulls two different directions. You get jerked back and forth between planning for a possible future when you will be gone and longing for a possible future when you will be fully cancer-free. Sure, the full circle, upside-down, exhilarating end to the ride is delightful. But most likely you will wish you could avoid this ride altogether.
Roller Coaster –Worst News/Best News
Some guests prefer the tower ride. They only want to hear positive news and best-case prognoses. They are willing to take the risk of a huge emotional crash if the worst-case happens instead and they are dropped back to earth. Others prefer the more frequent but gentler direction changes on the roller coaster. They ask their guide to give them a full range of possible outcomes. As they ride, they experience the upward pull—click…click…click—as it seems like good things are happening, with good response to treatments. But then—whoosh!—there is an unexpected drop toward negative outcomes. Up and down and around steep curves! Choosing this ride is closer to experiencing the up and down realities of a trip to Cancerland.
Tunnel of Love – Sometimes there are no words/Just hug each other tightly
There are moments in Cancerland when no words can express the confusion, fear or sadness the guest is experiencing. At those times, the best thing to do is to grab your partner or your close friend and take a ride through the tunnel of love. Hug each other tightly and remember how much you are loved. Don’t forget to stop by the gift shop before you leave, to pick up a photo to remind you that you were not alone in the dark!
Once again, we are glad you are here as our guest in Cancerland! We hope your stay is brief and that you will have no need to return at a future date. But if you have an extended stay, please let us know what other crazy rides we should add to make this unamusement park better match your experiences in the real-life world of cancer treatment. We are constantly researching and developing new therapies, I mean, rides!
Thanks for taking time to read this light-hearted analogy. Please let me know in the comments if there are additional “rides” I should add to this unamusement park! Since I am an active cancer patient yet again, I decided to add a “health adventures” tab to my website. You can follow my current cancer journey in a couple of ways:
- click HERE to see frequent mini updates plus links to the pages below.
- click HERE to see a compilation of all the mini updates archived in one place: and
- click HERE to see photos and read blog stories about the ups and downs of this stressful journey plus posts from past health challenges.
- Feel free to poke around the site and check out other Big Epic Adventures I have documented in the past—backpacking and other outdoor fun, becoming a certified Nature and Forest Guide, trip reports, and other daily activities.
If you hate to miss the latest reports from my Cancer Journey, you can bookmark this site to see frequent mini-updates or you can scroll to the bottom of any page and sign up to receive an email notification whenever I make a new blog post.
(THANK YOU for following with me on this cancer journey! I appreciate every comment, encouragement, prayer, good wishes, and other types of support. I can’t imagine doing this alone…)
**Illustrations are royalty free for personal use from Google Images**